You're not trendy and superficial like all the people you hang out with because *you're* different. You're radical, with new ideas that will shake up *everybody at the party*. And if you can learn to drive more than three blocks without a beer in your hand, you *might not* kill anyone this year. And by God, you *don't* have to read this! It's *disturbing* and *offensive* and *maybe that's because it hits home!* Maybe there's *just enough* substance left in your personality that you might still get out from under the herd mentality that will eventually lead you along with all the others into that traincar bound for the Ministry of Normalcy if you're not careful.

Nobody will do it for you, and that last, frantic, dying shriek of your soul going under will be the only sign that you have made the transition into the peaceful netherworld of blind apathy that is so lucrative these days. So, while you're here at our wonderful college, paid for so generously *by your parents*, be proud of your status as a mature, intellectual adult. Whether you choose to toss your brain into the garbage or not is up to you, but either way, there is a distinct probability that you will become a career-oriented Yuppie, spoon-fed the corporate dogma of our upwardly-mobile society.

*Take the blinders off while you still can*. That's right, you *don't* have to take this shit, this impetuous insult to your lifestyle, and no, I *don't* care who you are or what your parents do for a living or how much money they make, because I'm here to tell you if you *don't* take this shit, if you don't listen to the voice of reason while there's still time, you're going to be caged in with all the rest of the brainless twits *and there won't be anything you can do about it*.

Bleach your _mind_, not your hair! And who cares if you drive a BMW, as long as you're not listening to the mainstream barrage of *Polycratic Bulldada* that works it's way by osmosis from the radio into your skull. That kind of brainwashing works *so well* that you not only know about it, *but think you're avoiding it*, while the whole time it's gradually working its sapping, rotting power on your forebrain, the effects of which are *irreversible*.

While you're going to school, the most important thing you learn may be to question everything, *even this*, but especially authority. Do not let those who have been arbitrarily placed in a position of power make your decisions! Recognize those of TRUE intellectual status and *surround yourself with them*. They are your only hope against the //evil elder creatures// in disguise who *at this moment vie for control over our lives*.

Those who run things today are all but lost, but those who will control things tomorrow still have hope, and *we are the tomorrow people*! Unless you fight the relentless attack on your psyche, repel those who subtly try to *break down the doors into your mind*, you will die a silent death, drowning in a pool of apathy, only to be replaced by a Conspiracy clone, and *no one will be able to tell the difference*. There might not be one.

Chew on this for awhile, think about it, dwell on it, until you discover your own way out. *Wake up and smell the sodium pentathol*! Find out just what it is that They don't want you to worry about. Walk the road of life not with paranoia, but with confident suspicion, screening all input from all sources. Take nothing at face value. Think for yourself, or They will do your thinking for you. Bob Dole is a *Conspiracy dupe* who gets paid *more than you think* not to spout gibberish, but to lead the majority into a popular mindset, thus making them easier to control.

When choosing classes, drop the *useless shit* like Business, and take... Philosophy. The modern philosophers were there when all this started happening, they knew how to escape, and *they did*. And they left instructions, so that *we can all do the same*. The time is now, and it will be over sooner than you think. Those who come out on top win all the marbles, and if it's the Conspiracy, our planet will become the biggest smoothie in history.

Girls, don't let yourselves become *Blondroids*, the mindless common stock of our genetically decrepit race. Guys, don't fit neatly into your ascribed macho, sexist, subjugating roles...but then again, don't be *too* PC, either. Too many of us are too close to victory, only to fall into that baited trap called *complacency. *They* outnumber us, but they can be defeated, so band together and *win*. Remember, all intellectual barbarians come out ahead.

They are trying to breed us as a race of pacified idiot zombies, *and it's working*. Abuse your mind if you must, but *please* use it. It's your only chance. Armageddon doesn't play favorites. When that day finally rolls around, those who have assumed their places in line, as they were told to do, will walk through the doorway of apathy -- into oblivion.

ALL HAIL DISCORDIA FNORD.

RECIRCULATE THIS FLYER.